Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
