it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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