what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
