I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
