Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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