I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
