I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
