So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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