FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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