He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
