He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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