dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
