Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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