Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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