new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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