nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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