i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
