Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
