I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
