this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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