this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize