I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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