I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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