You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
