my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
