we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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