oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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