We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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