I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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