just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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