we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
