i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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