at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
