Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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