he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
