Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
