Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What a dumb baby whore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
