Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
