mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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