Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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