i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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