I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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