he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
