I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
