You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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