What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize