new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
