All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
