I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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