Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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