Life is so much better after having sex.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
