hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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