If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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