i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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