tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
