Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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