everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So apparently I’m into choking now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
