OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
