and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize