she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
