We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize
