I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't make out with my wife yet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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