i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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