I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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