the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
